The Myth: “Never go to bed angry.”
, by dominick silverio, 1 min reading time
At first glance, this popular advice comes off as harmless. But it might make way for attitudes that may not be healthy when it comes to conflict resolution.
Conflict is normal, and arguments can also happen during the most inconvenient times. Ever get into a disagreement with your partner when you’re tired at the end of your day?
Forcing a resolution when you’re not in the right headspace may cause more harm than good. There are times that making up takes more time than we have at the moment. And sometimes, we just need to process our feelings.
It's okay to feel anger
Sometimes it’s the most appropriate response we have to an upsetting situation. It’s unpleasant and unsavory, but just like any other emotion, it’s valid.
And it doesn’t have to manifest in negative ways–you can feel angry and still communicate how you’re feeling while still showing respect and understanding towards your partner.
You don’t have to stop feeling what you’re feeling in order to work through conflict—cooler heads prevail. It’s okay to take time and space to gather your thoughts and calm down if that’s what you need.
“I want to make sure we both feel heard. Can we take a breather and continue this conversation after we’ve had some time to cool down?”
“I don’t want us to say things we’ll regret. How about we take a break and talk later?”
“I value our relationship and want to resolve this properly. Can we set a time to talk about this later?”
Sometimes, we just have ongoing arguments that don’t get resolved in one night. It’s important to cultivate a relationship that feels safe and reliable, one that can withstand an ongoing argument.