In your opinion, what are the greatest love scenes of all time? Just at the top of your head, you must already have some go-to movies or TV shows in mind that showcased some amazing sex scenes. Generally speaking, the media and entertainment industry has always had a way of jacking up our standards and expectations. As a result, we oversimplify the role of sex in our relationships
Now, while it may feel great basking in the decadence of sitting back, relaxing, and letting your mind explore some much-needed make-believe, it’s good to remember that sex in the movies is just that—fantasy.
That’s not to say it’s completely impossible to have some really, really, really good sex. But it’s unlikely that you will have that every single time you get it on—and that’s normal.
Too Sexy for Your Love
Sex sells. Advertisements on products that have nothing to do with sex are hypersexualized because it makes them more appealing and more—well, sexy? Everything’s packaged in red satin, leather, lace, and not much else.
We’re consistently inundated by this relentless tsunami of sexiness every day of our lives that it can be very easy to be left lost at sea; sex sells, but sex is also sold—in that we’re conditioned to believe it should always be this fantastic, mind-blowing experience every time we have it, implying that anything less than back-scratching, leg-shaking, eye-rolling sex is somehow unsatisfactory or undesirable, especially in a relationship.
Is something wrong with me?
Or is it them?
Or is this relationship just destined to fail?
Give it to Me Good Enough
You’re okay.
You’re fine.
There’s some good news to be had.
Most of the sex you’re going to have is going to be just okay or good enough. That sounds a bit bleak if you put it that way, but this statement doesn’t mean you’re doomed to a life of mediocre sex. Okay sex is a good thing!
Familiar with the term "a well-oiled machine"? Think of good enough sex as “maintenance” sex, the type of sex that doesn’t exactly blow your mind, but allows you to feel closer to your partner nonetheless. This type of sex is essential to a relationship and the frequency of it actually creates space for those exceptional and spectacular sexual moments you do end up having on occasion.
Understanding how sex functions in long-term relationships and working to build your own unique sexual style as partners will allow you and your significant other to maintain a strong sexual connection throughout your years together. Allowing yourselves to partake in and enjoy these simpler, more mundane aspects of sex isn’t giving up on the grandiose promise of what sex ought to be like—it is making an active choice to intentionally engage in something that is good for your relationship.
No Pressure
Sometimes we can take things for granted when we become familiar with an experience or if something seems readily available. We need to remember that sex, regardless of whether it’s mindblowing or just okay, is something we get to do. It’s meant to be pleasurable and stimulating; it need not put pressure on either you or your partner.
Maybe it’s not like the movies every single time. So what?
Do it so you and your partner have a chance to spend time together and engage in an intimate encounter together. You might get an orgasm; you might not. Either way, you spend time getting closer to someone who is precious to you—and that in itself is a gift. What’s important is that you show up for yourself, for your partner, and for your relationship.