Consent is one of the most important concepts we have to learn and understand when it comes to relationships, whether or not they are sexual in nature. It is something that we have to teach our children at a young age, not only so that we are able to protect them from being victimized by sexual abuse, but also so that they are able to treat others with respect and expect to be respected in return.
Parents can explain it to their children simply: if you want to drink another person’s water, you have to ask for their permission before doing so. You cannot just take that water because it is not yours.
Parents can teach young children about consent by identifying basic body parts, explaining that their bodies are theirs, and telling them who can touch their bodies and which parts, as well as which parts are only for them to touch. They are also taught which touches are safe and unsafe, and that they can refuse certain touches.
For adults engaging in sexual behavior, consent is an explicit agreement to engage in any kind of sexual behavior that includes touching, kissing, with another person or with a group of people.
We seek consent from our partners because each of us occupies space, whether emotional, mental, spiritual, or literal space. This is something we need to acknowledge and to respect. No other person can get into that space without that person’s consent.
Asking for consent doesn’t always have to be, “Can I do this to you now?”. It can be part of an ongoing conversation between partners. This can be done by discussing each other’s desires, values, and beliefs about different things. This allows the partners to have an understanding of where the other stands.
But consent is only valid in the here and now. This means it can be withdrawn at any time. Partners can pause what they’re doing and check in with each other before they continue, or even stop altogether.
Need more information about whether or not you have consent, or are giving your consent? Here’s a guide for you.
Editor’s note: Some parts of this post are from a media interview given by Dr. Rica Cruz.
