Sexuality can be a tricky concept for a society that wants us to keep mum about anything that has to do with the birds and the bees. In truth, it goes beyond any sexual activity and has implications on how we relate with one another outside the bedroom, whether as lovers, family, or even strangers on the street.
Dr. Sylvia Estrada Claudio, an educator, medical doctor, and women’s rights advocate, explains that sexuality has many aspects apart from sex. These include our emotions, our ability to love, and our capacity to relate to others with empathy. These are a part of us being human and of being women and men. This is why when we relate to other people as women and men, it has an aspect of sexuality to it.
If it is this entwined into who we are after all, why do we still find it hard to talk about sexuality?
First, we come from different backgrounds. Some of us come from rural areas; others are more urbanized. We have varying levels of education, and the kinds of education we receive also diverge. Even within the same family people have debates because their views were shaped by their access to differing perspectives.
Another hindrance to talking about sexuality are the expectations society has of women. We are not supposed to talk about it when we’re young or unmarried; nor are we supposed to have an interest in sex. Our parents may believe that if they teach about sex and sexuality, it will pique our curiosity and make us want to engage in sexual activities earlier than what they believe is the right time. Our culture dictates that we only talk about sex and have an interest in it once we are married and have the blessing of our religion.
Conservative beliefs imposed upon us dictate a certain kind of relationship women have with their bodies and their desires, as well as when women are allowed to know their bodies and express themselves sexually.
Ironically, women are also expected to be okay with sex and open to it once they are married. Isn’t that a strange assumption given that women are supposed to know nothing about it before they say their vows?
Despite these barriers, there are ways for us to know more about our sexuality.
It begins by ridding ourselves of the idea that there is something shameful, bad, or dirty in talking about our bodies. Our bodies are ours, and therefore we must give our bodies love, says Dr. Claudio.
Let us consider how our bodies are capable of so many things, and being able to express these capabilities in a healthy manner is a good thing. One of the things our bodies are capable of is engaging in sex. We must try to accept that this particular capability of the body is not dirty, is not problematic, and instead must be celebrated.
We must not deny this part of ourselves. At the same time, our sexuality is more than just our ability to enjoy and have sex. Part of our sexuality is being able to relate to others, a way to connect. And this is important now more than ever given that our society seems to be fractured, always shouting at each other instead of stepping back and listening.
Talking about sexuality should begin at an early age. But we must not look at the sexuality of children in the same way that we look at the sexuality of adults. We begin by teaching children to love their bodies and to understand that it feels good to use their bodies through walking, playing, eating yummy food, and more. It can make them happy to use their bodies in this way.
This broader view of sexuality is crucial in enabling us to relate to each other with respect, with sympathy, and even with love. It is vital for our mental health. And especially for children, it allows them to know how to relate with their bodies, to understand the kind of respect that their bodies deserve, and to accept the demands of their bodies and the delights they can experience through their bodies.
Teaching kids about sexuality can protect them from violence because they are armed with the knowledge that their bodies are theirs, deserve respect, and can experience good touches and touches by people who are allowed to touch them. They are also able to know that there are parts of their bodies that only they have the right to touch.
Simply put, learning about sexuality teaches children and adults alike about consent, boundaries, and what a healthy romantic relationship—whether now or in the future—looks like. Let's seek information about it, and be guided by the knowledge we have.
(Editor’s note: This article is based on an interview by Dr. Rica Cruz with Dr. Sylvia Estrada Claudio, an educator, medical doctor, and women’s rights advocate.)
